Project Queer

‘Confusing’ The Children

I’ve read a couple responses in the queer community to the statement from parents and other authority figures that queers with “confuse the children,” often with the sentiment of, “Oh, I accept you just fine, but don’t talk to the children about these things. I don’t want you to confuse them.”

Most of the responses are a silly (but true!) take on this, saying, “It probably will confuse your kids that I like girls/am not a boy or a girl/love many people at once/whatever, but hey - they’re KIDS! Pretty much everything you put in front of them is confusing, and rightly so - they haven’t learned about it yet! Reading and long division and imaginary numbers etc. will be way more confusing than me loving someone they wouldn’t expect or my different gender identity.”

I fully, fully agree with this - it’s true! Kids will be confused, but we’ll explain it best we can and then it will all be okay.

However, one response I haven’t heard is this, and I’d like to say it to anyone who says they accept me and love me as who I am but just don’t want to ‘confuse the children’ - what you’re saying is that I am doing something bad. When I have kids, what I don’t what them to be confused about is right and wrong. I don’t want them to see someone beating someone up, people ganging up on each other, and have them think that’s okay. I don’t want them hearing people call other people hurtful things, or deny them any rights, without an explanation that that is wrong, lest they become confused and think it is okay to be like that, someone who hurts other people, someone who doesn’t care.

So when you say you don’t want me to confuse the children, what you’re really saying is that who I am is bad, and you don’t want them to have their minds opened to the fact that it could be okay to be queer, or not the same religion, or not in the gender binary, or whatever else they want to shelter their kids from. And while you have the right to raise your children how you like, you are silencing me, and stunting your children’s growth. That’s your business, but it is what you are doing.

And for my parents, I’d like you to remember that I am your child as well, and it hurts, damnit, it hurts so bad, that you think who I am is so poisonous that I can’t even take the kids out without your supervision, because I might confuse them about right and wrong.

I love you, Dad. I love you, Smum. But who I am is okay, hell, it’s great, and the boys are going to hear about it sooner or later, whether it be while they’re children or later, whether it be from me or friends or people they seek out when they could be confused about who they are, because no one’s shown them that it’s okay.

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Thank you so much for sharing this with us, friend!!

I agree with you, and I would like to add that children ARE going to be confused about a lot of things as they go through life. That is why most children are quite inquisitive.

FOR PARENTS, SIBLINGS, TEACHERS, OR OTHER GUARDIANS/FRIENDS:

The best thing to do is ANSWER their questions.

Do not shelter them from every day aspects of reality.

Do not lie to them or blame people for things that they cannot help.

Let them ask as many questions as they wish to.

Do not talk down to them.

Children deserve the same amount of respect and education as ANY human being - regardless of whatever age they are.

I would also like to say that it is quite courageous of you to realise and accept who you are, and to also take a stand against those who do not agree with the queer community - even if they are close to you. Much respect.

Best of luck to you. <3