For everyone who does not know, I have been informed that I am being kicked out of my current home. My landlady has sold the house where my mates and I stay, and has told us that we have until October 31st to leave.
- The good news is that I am not going to be homeless. I will be living with my parents for awhile until I get back on my feet.
- The bad news is that I will have to quit my job - which I absolutely love.
By quitting my job, that means that I will no longer have a steady income. In turn, this could mean that I will lose my internet capabilities. In order to prevent this, I have set up ads on Project Queer - my LGBTQIAA+ news blog - with hopes that people will help me out.
To help me out, all you need to do is click on any of the ads located at the Project Queer tumblr. You can click on them as many times as you like - as often as you like. By clicking on the ads, I will raise money towards keeping my internet and other living expenses (like food and gas).
Thank you so much, folks - for following, reading, and spreading the word about my work. I really appreciate anything and everything that you are able to do. I love you all. <3
I have been getting many responses to my NSFW packing photos.
Thank you all for the support and kind words that you are giving me. This all means SO very much to me. I have cried like 800 times today. I love you, folks.
Please keep your comments and questions coming!!
I love, love, LOVE reading from you all. <3
P.S. If you have not seen them, you can view the photos here.
The NSFW photos of me are currently up for viewing.
Again, this is a really important step for me in achieving more self-confidence. I am starting to really take pride in my appearance, and feel less dysphoric about my body.
If this photo set goes over well, I will most certainly consider taking more NSFW photos - perhaps even professionally.
You can view the photos here.
QUESTIONS or COMMENTS are always welcome, folks. I expect and respect full honesty - anonymously or not.
So get at me if you please!!
This is the first time that I have posted photos of myself completely topless.
This is also the first time that I have posted photos of myself with my dick out for all to see.
Anyhow, it was sweltering in my room right then, so I was sweating. I just got off from work, and took my binder off. (If you look hard enough, you can still see the marks from it.) At the time, I was standing on my bed, leaning against my wall.
These photos were just taken with my iPhone camera. Poor quality. But soon I hope to meet up with an acquaintance who wants to photograph me for a project of hers having to do with androgyny and my being genderqueer.
Basically, I wanted to take and share these photos, because it makes me feel better about my body (and thus myself in general). This photo set is quite important to me. The fact that I am sharing it with you all is a HUGE step for me when it comes to my own self-confidence and self-image.
Hope you folks enjoy. Please let me know what you think.
I just took NSFW photos of myself with my packer for the first time.
If this gets enough responses, perhaps I will post them.
So who wants to see them then?
solemnhypnotik: First, some facts:
- The packer is called Bendy.
- I purchased it from early2bed.com - a gender expression-friendly site and Chicago-based store.
- Bendy is a ‘soft touch penis’ which means that it is life-like with a skin-like feel to it.
- It is what is known as a ‘pack and play’ which basically means that you can not only just use it for packing, but you can use it during various sex acts as well.
- The colour that I chose is vanilla to best match my own skin tone.*
- As for size, I went with the 7”/18cm long model.*
* Other colours and sizes are available online or in the actual store.
Since I have made it known that I purchased Bendy, I have received a few questions. I would like to address those now:
1. Does it make you look like you have a boner?
Since I chose the 7” packer, yes it most certainly DOES look like I have a boner. However, this look can vary depending on the type of clothing/underwear that you choose to wear. As for me, I wear boxer briefs (which are not all that restricting/good at hiding boners). I also wear my pants below my hips. Those are just some things that effect how visible the packer is to yourself and others.
If you simply want the comfort and feel of packing, it might be best to go with a smaller size or perhaps a different packer (like the Packy). In all honesty, my next purchase will be the Packy so I can wear it wherever and not have an obvious boner.
Personally, I purchased Bendy for role-playing and other ‘sexy times’, so having a visible boner is not really a concern of mine - it is actually desired.
Remember, every one has their own reasons for acquiring a packer, and that is definitely something to consider while shopping for one. Check them all out and find what is best for YOU.
2. Do you think I could use this with the Rodeoh harness?
I have been searching for a good harness for Bendy, but I have yet to find one. In fact, there are currently no harnesses made specifically for Bendy. After researching online and finding no answers, I talked to a very helpful clerk in the Chicago store who basically told me that it is pretty difficult to find a good harness for a pack and play in general.
However, despite not having a harness, I find that I am still able to walk around and do everything that I would normally do just fine. The only difference really is that I have a boner whilst doing those things. Again, this all depends on the underwear that you wear, clothes you wear, and also how active you are going to be at the time of wearing it.
As for using the packer for sex, this may prove difficult without a harness. I suggest trying to buy Bendy in an actual store and ask to see harnesses with adjustable dildo rings - also known as ‘O’ rings.
I am going to keep doing some more research, and I will update if I find anything else out on the matter.
To read a blog post from early2bed about the best harness to use, click here.
3. Would you think it would be uncomfortable to be fucked by it?
Personally, I do not find Bendy uncomfortable at all - nor can I imagine it being uncomfortable for someone else who wants to be fucked by it. Plain and simple: It really is nice and soft. Also, it is very easy to adjust and maneuver.
I will say that since it IS 1.5” wide and the shaft is approximately 6” long (7” with the base), it can be a bit of a tight fit for some - like myself. It just depends on the person, and how ‘excited’ they are.
Personally, I wanted to try Bendy out on myself before I used it with anyone else. Since I am really tight, it took me awhile to take it all in, but it was quite a glorious experience or two once that happened.
4. All in all, how is the quality? Do you like it? I would love a full review.
All in all, I love it. I think it was a great first choice for a pack and play.
- I love how it feels, and I cannot wait to share it with someone special.
- It appears to be quite durable - especially considering the cost ($38US).
- It does not have any scent - unlike silicone and some other materials.
- It is simple to bend and shape into any position to make packing and/or playing easier for all involved.
- And lastly, it is really easy to clean and maintain.
Thus far, if I had to give Bendy a grade, it would be a B+ and only because it is rather difficult to find a harness for it. Other than that, I am ecstatic.
For more information on pack and play devices and other gender expression items, you can check out Early 2 Bed here: http://www.early2bed.com/
Or feel free to message me with questions or comments.
I am open to them 24/7. Thanks for reading, folks!!
P.S. I WILL be creating a video for Bendy soon so that you can:
A.) see what it looks like in and out of my pants
B.) better gauge the size, colour, texture and quality
C.) get a general tutorial on how to properly use/wear it
I wore my binder for approximately twelve hours yesterday. And I must say that I am in love with the thing.
The above photos are of me from TODAY. I took them to better illustrate the following descriptions/experiences with the binder thus far. And so, without further delay, here are my reviews for the gender expression items that I bought the other day:
After doing some research online, I really decided that the best way to go was to purchase these items in an actual store as opposed to doing so online. The store that I decided on is called Early To Bed - located near Boy’s Town in Chicago. They actually just won Best Adult Novelty Shop in Chicago 2011, and I fully understand why.
At first glance, the store seems relatively small, but there are lots of items to choose from. It is a genderqueer/trans* friendly atmosphere AND there are plenty of vegan products to choose from. Also, I was impressed with their stock of role-playing and BDSM gear. All of those things are pluses in my book.
Anyhow, the store clerk was very helpful and nice. She answered all of my questions and let me take things out of their boxes to make all of my final decisions.
- You can check out Early 2 Bed here: http://www.early2bed.com/
After measuring myself, I decided to purchase the Underworks Tri-Top Binder. My torso is pretty small, so I ended up going with an extra small size (28-30”). It fits very nicely. The only downside to my purchase thus far is the fact that the store was out of black binders - which is what I really wanted. I purchased a white one instead.
- It is MUCH easier to step into the binder whilst putting it on - which takes some time and patience.
- Once on, the binder fits just right. It is snug, but there is no constriction or irritation. I can breathe easily and do not feel short of breath at all.
- I did have a couple red lines on my shoulders after taking the binder off tonight, but they went away with time.
- The binder did not effect or restrict my movement at any point all day. (My job involves a lot of lifting, bending, stretching, etc. and I felt fine doing all of that.)
- The bottom of the binder DID have a tendency to curl upwards, so I just flipped the bottom up a couple inches, so that it rested beneath my breasts. After that, there were no problems at all.
- I feel fucking amazing wearing the binder. All smiles. All day.
- Lastly, my back does not hurt from wearing the binder. GOOD DEAL.
After doing extensive research on packers online, I also chose to purchase Bendy from Early 2 Bed. Bendy is a pack and play dildo. I am really happy with this purchase as well. Unfortunately, I am on my period right now, and I do not wish to pack until that is over with. And so a review of Bendy will come soon!!
All in all, I am extremely happy with my purchases and the experience that I had with Early 2 Bed. I will definitely be back there to check out different packing toys and perhaps even some of the BDSM gear - which is something that I am wanting to get more involved in.
Feel free to message me with questions or comments.
I am open to them 24/7. Thanks for reading, folks!
s o f i a l o r e n z o m b i : I am getting a lot of positive feedback from my post about the dysphoria that my periods cause.
For those who have not seen it, you can read the post here.
All of this feedback really means a lot to me. It says that I am not alone - and that I definitely do have options and support. I am trying to keep a positive mental attitude regarding all aspects of my life, and this most certainly helps me do so. Thank you so much, everyone.
Please know that you can talk to me if you want to get anything off of your shoulders, folks - whether this business of dysphoria is the topic of discussion or WHATEVER. I am here for those in need - or even if you just want to chat.
Thanks again, folks.
P.S. I am responding to ALL feedback that I am getting from this. I am making sure to do so in private messages - as some of the discussions are private matters. Please feel free to message me if you feel comfortable. Anonymous messages are totally fine by me.
If discussions about menstruating are just too much information for you, now is the time to stop reading.
I got my period yesterday afternoon.
A little background for those who do not know:
I identify as genderqueer, because I do not fit into the spectrum of trans*, but also because I live outside of the binary gender system. In other words, I dislike being referred to as ‘male’ or ‘female’, because I feel like I am more of a combination of both.
In all actuality, I feel like a combination of both. I have never fully embraced my being female - especially regarding society’s idea of what it means to be female and the constructed gender roles that accompany that meaning.
It sounds so cliche, but I have always felt different and out of place in my skin. When I was a kid, I always wished to be a boy, because I liked what they got to do and how they looked, acted, etc. Growing up, I realized I did not want to BE a boy, but rather be able to be socially accepted doing the things that men do. And now today I could give a fuck less about being socially accepted or what ‘men’ do.
I merely want to embrace myself and exist as I am.
Moving On To The Terrible Feeling:
Ever since I started getting my periods, I loathed them. Some people embrace and love them. Some people dislike them for their discomfort. To each their own, but I fucking loathe mine.
My period serves me no purpose. I have never planned on ever physically having children myself - nor do I wish to.
For me, my period just causes horrible dysphoria.
(If you are not aware, dysphoria means the exact opposite of euphoria. It is a state of unpleasant moods that may cause sadness or depression - and often times anxiety and self-consciousness.)
For me, my dysphoria stems a lot from not liking how my body looks. I dislike my upper body in general, but - more specifically - I dislike my breasts and the curve of my hips. In all honesty, I have always wanted my upper body to be more masculine. It would just feel right to me, and I would feel like a whole person.
What Happens When I Get My Period:
Basically, most of the common period symptoms occur. I get headaches, cramps, and I feel bloated. My muscles and past injuries ache incessantly. My moods change frequently and often times I feel anxious and depressed.
Sure, these are all pretty standard results of getting your period. However, I also become reclusive, because it effects my day-to-day activities and emotional well-being. I feel like my identity is skewed. And I have this unfounded paranoia that everyone knows it, and there is no way to hide it.
What My Future Holds:
I cannot say what my future holds as of right now. I know that I have options to help put an end to these monthly tribulations, but I am not sure that I want to take the steps necessary to do so. Apologies for that being extremely vague, but I have much more research to do on the matter.
Until then, I will just have to deal with this - just like everyone else.
Well, I just wanted to get all of that out. I wanted to share and get different opinions or stories on the matter. I am even thinking about eventually creating a zine on the topic. Anyhow, thank you for reading, folks. Please feel free to share or comment.
Any questions? Just ask. I am an open book as they say.
Look at me all featured at genderqueer.tumblr.com!! Yay!!
Submission from solemnhypnotik:
Name’s Lauren. AKA Sofia Loren Zombi or SLZ.
23. Oak Park, Illinois.
Queer. Artist. Equality Activist. Feminist. Anarcho-Pacifist. Vegan. Politikal Atheist. GenderQueer. Riot Grrrl. Androgyny Enthusiast Extraordinaire.
(click through the photo for my personal blog)