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“Am I Asexual?”
Before you ask, all you need to do is keep this definition in mind…
Sexual attraction is a desire for sexual intimacy with another person. It is the desire to incorporate sex into your relationship or experience arousal specifically to your (ideal) partner. a.k.a. sexual desire or physical lust.
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Plain and simple. If you do experience sexual attraction but still don’t associate with the normal sexual society, you may be interested in looking up demisexuality and grey-asexuality (see “Some Other Key Definitions”).
It is also important to keep in mind that only you can decide your orientation for yourself. The label maker is in your hands; these are just some key definitions.
Humans are complex beings, and they are all different. Asexuality is purely about sexual attraction. The following does not define your (a)sexuality:
-having or not having had sex (or liking/not liking it)
-having or not having a libido
-experiencing or not experiencing arousal
-enjoying or not enjoying porn
-having or not having been in a relationship
-experiencing or not experiencing aesthetic, platonic, and/or romantic attraction
Some other key definitions
Grey-asexual (grey-a): Experiencing a general lack of sexual attraction except for in very specific circumstances
Demisexual: Only experiencing sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond.
Aesthetic attraction: Appreciating someone’s features (without experiencing anything sexual)
Romantic attraction: Desiring love of another person. a.k.a. a relationship. Example: wanting intimacy without sex.
Sensual attraction: A desire for physical intimacy without being sexual (example: kissing, cuddling, etc)
Aromantic: Not experiencing romantic attraction.
*some people in the community may disagree on some definitions.
Ooh! Fun fact: Trans* is transmisogynistic; trans should be used instead. (the * implies that there’s a group that isn’t already captured under trans, which is untrue.)
Many nonbinary people don’t identify as trans, I’ve always seen trans* used to include nonbinary people who don’t want to use the trans tag. As a nonbinary trans person, I want to emphasize that the discrimination I go through is different than binary trans people (especially as a DFAB nonbinary person I have quite a bit of privilege over DMAB trans women and nonbinary identities.) and I feel like the asterix does that for me. How do other trans or nonbinary people feel about this?
These are all links that deal with the asterisk
I’m a trans women and I’m really against the asterisk because of how it’s often used, whether intentionally or not, to take the focus away from trans women on issues that only trans women deal with. I also don’t like it because the narrative of a “community” inherently makes the privilege of dfab trans people, especially trans men, invisible. It also seems to make people think that trans men are capable of talking about the issues of all trans people. I’m also against it because of the apparent history behind its creation to separate the transsexual identity from non binary trans people.
I didn’t even think of the way the asterisk could be racist by including race specific identities in an umbrella they don’t identify with but that makes so much sense. Thank you so much everyone for sending these links and I really encourage people (especially us DFAB trans people) to take a look.
This is the best collection of links around the nature of the asterisk that I’ve run into, and represent the reason I’ve stopped using “trans*” as a tag in my posts and started using simply “trans” instead.
Singular “they” is a correct gender-neutral pronoun! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
And, there you have it! “They” is grammatically correct.
OMG, next time I want to publish something and they try to edit it out!!!
Here is some yellow paper.
We say it is yellow because that’s what color it is.
Simple enough, let’s move on.
Here is some white paper.
We say it is white because that’s what color it is.
Now, imagine some stuff happens to the white paper - something spills on it, it’s left in the sun in a hot car, whatever. It is acted upon by some force, and now it looks like this:
We can now describe the paper as yellowed. It was originally white, but something caused it to become yellow. Yellow has happened to it - it is yellowed.
Describing someone as “transgendered” does not make sense, because that person has not been transgendered by anything. Transgender did not happen to that person, they just are transgender.
Just like you wouldn’t describe a black person as “blackened” - they weren’t originally some other color until something came along and acted blackness upon them, they just are black - you shouldn’t describe a transgender person as “transgendered”.
i bow down to this post.
BLOG UPDATE: I am in the process of changing all posts tagged “trans*” to “trans”.
I have come to this conclusion after reading these posts and doing more research on the topic:
i made a thing
THIS IS RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS.
you’re very welcome friend!
fckh8 needs to do their fcking research before bashing sexualities that theyre too ignorant to care about.
Please note: this post presumes that you already know what “TERF” and “radscum” means and why the dialogue these terms refer to is both biphobic and transphobic. If you don’t know, check out the “radscum" tag on my tumblr for more info.
It’s time that we start talking about BERFs - Bi…
A reference for people who are confused. I’ve also included words from aromantic discourse because of the overlap between the two communities. If I forgot anything, or if a definition is wrong, let me know and I’ll add it to the list.
- Ace - Short for asexual.
- Ace of Hearts - A symbol or nickname for asexuals who experience romantic attraction.
- Ace of Spades - A symbol or nickname for asexuals who are aromantic.
- Acephobia - Prejudice or discrimination against asexual-spectrum people.
- Aesthetic Attraction - An interest or desire to look at someone and appreciate their appearance, but which isn’t necessarily sexual or romantic.
- Alloromantic - A person who experiences romantic attraction to other people. Also commonly just called a “romantic person.”
- Allosexism - Belief or assumption that being allosexual is the only way to be, or best way to be
- Allosexual - A person who experiences sexual attraction to other people; a non-asexual person.
- Amatonormativity - The social force that treats romantic relationships as intrinsically superior, more valuable, or more necessary than friendships and non-romantic relationships. A problem for everyone, but especially aromantic people.
- Androromantic - Romantically attracted to men.
- Antisexual - Ideologically opposed to sex, or having negative views of other people’s sexual lifestyles. Related to slut-shaming.
- Aro - Short for aromantic.
- Aromantic - A person who does not experience romantic attraction.
- Aromantic Spectrum - The set of all people who are aromantic, gray-romantic, demiromantic, lithromantic, or who have aromantic tendencies.
- Asexophobia, Asexualphobia - See Acephobia.
- Asexual - A person who does not experience sexual attraction.
- Asexual Flag - A flag of four horizontal stripes: black, gray, white and purple.
- Asexual Spectrum - The set of all people who are asexual, gray-asexual, demisexual, or who have asexual tendencies.
- Asexual Triangle - A downward-pointing triangle that is mostly white, but shades into gray and then black at the bottom tip. Represents the asexual spectrum. Originated as an expansion of the Kinsey Scale.
- Asexy - Describes a person or thing who is cool, excellent, or attractive in a non-sexual way. Also a complimentary descriptor for asexual people in general.
- Autosexual - An old term for someone who only, or mostly, gains sexual pleasure from themself instead of from attraction to others. Rarely used.
- AVEN - Asexual Visibility and Education Network, asexuality.org. The most prominent website and forum dedicated to asexuality.
- Biromantic - Potential to feel romantic attraction to two or more genders.
- Black Ring - An accessory used to signify that one is asexual. Most commonly worn on the right middle finger. Can be of any material or design.
- Cake Jokes - Cake is associated with asexuality for some reason. Most likely originated as a meme on AVEN. Predates the “cake is better than sex” meme.
- Celibacy, Celibate - The lifestyle choice to avoid participating in sex, regardless of whether one feels sexual attraction or not.
- Chastity - To only participate in sex in circumstances prescribed by one’s religious beliefs.
- Compulsory Sexuality - The cultural force that expects all people to be either sexually available or in a sexual relationship, and which expects sex to be an important value or goal for all people. Heterosexuality is especially valued. A major problem for asexual people.
- Corrective Rape - Sexual assault done with the intent to change someone’s sexual or romantic orientation. Queer women, trans* people and asexual people are all victimized by corrective rape.
- Dehumanization - A kind of stigma that lessens a person by making them seem less than human; often likening them to an animal, machine or monster. Sometimes applied to asexual or aromantic people.
- Demiromantic - A person who can only feel romantic attraction to someone they have established a close emotional connection with.
- Demisexual - A person who can only feel sexual attraction to someone they have established a close emotional connection with.
- Erasure - A lack of representation of a group in media, news and pop culture. Erasure may be either deliberate or accidental, and targets all queer identities to varying degrees.
- Grace - Short for gray-asexual.
- Gray-A - Short for gray-asexual.
- Gray-asexual - A person who is somewhere in between 100% asexual and allosexual; they might only experience sexual attraction on very rare occasions, or feel sexual attraction but not desire sexual relationships, or experience a feeling somewhere in between platonic and sexual.
- Gray-romantic - A person who is somewhere in between 100% romantic and aromantic; they might only experience romantic attraction on very rare occasions, or feel romantic attraction but not desire romantic relationships, or experience a feeling somewhere in between platonic and romantic.
- Graysexual - Short for gray-asexual.
- Group X - Refers to asexual people when talking about the Kinsey Scale.
- GSD - Gender and Sexual Diversity. See GSM.
- GSM, GSRM - Gender, Sexual (and Romantic) Minorities. An alternative to the LGBT*QQIAP+ acronym.
- Gynoromantic - Romantically attracted to women.
- Heteroromantic - Romantically attracted to people of a different gender than one’s own.
- Heteronormativity - The cultural force that expects all people to be cisgender, heteroromantic and heterosexual. Major problem that affects all queer identities, including asexuals. Closely linked to homophobia, biphobia, transphobia and acephobia.
- Homoromantic - Romantically attracted to people of the same gender as oneself.
- Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) - Controversial medical disorder; used as evidence that asexuality is pathologized by the medical community.
- Hyposexual - Having a low libido or sex drive.
- Identity policing - Telling a person that the way they identify, or the labels they use to describe themselves, are wrong.
- Invalidation - In regards to asexuals, telling us that asexuality does not exist, humans can’t be asexual, asexuality isn’t an identity, etc. A form of allosexism.
- Kink - A fetish or means of pleasure, often but not necessarily sexual. Some asexual people have kinks.
- Kinsey Scale - A model that categorized human sexuality as a spectrum between heterosexual and homosexual, with bisexuals in the middle. Asexual people were classified as “Group X” and not included on the scale.
- Libido - Sex drive, which may or may not be targeted at a person. Asexual people may have libidos despite not feeling sexual attraction.
- Limerence - Strong feelings of attraction that can be romantic, sexual or platonic. Characterized by a mixture of joy, nervousness, obsessive thoughts and desire for approval from the target of interest. Often occurs in crushes.
- Lithromantic - A person who feels romantic attraction but does not need their feelings to be reciprocated, or who does not like receiving romantic gestures.
- Nonlibidoist - An asexual person who does not feel any desire to masturbate, or who has no sex drive.
- Panromantic - The potential to experience romantic attraction to someone of any gender.
- Pansexual - The potential to experience sexual attraction to someone of any gender. Opposite of asexuality, but some asexual people go through a period of wondering if they are pansexual.
- Pathologization - The act of treating something as an illness or disorder, which is abnormal and needs to be fixed. Asexuality is often pathologized.
- Platonic Attraction - Desire for friendship or another close non-romantic relationship with someone.
- Poly - Short for polyamorous.
- Polyamory - Intimate relationships that are not exclusive. Non-exclusivity may be romantic, sexual, neither, or both. May be a lifestyle choice or an intrinsic part of someone’s sexuality, depending on the person.
- Pomoromantic - One who experiences romantic attraction but does not wish to define it based on gender preferences.
- Pomosexual - One who experiences sexual attraction but does not wish to define it based on gender preferences.
- Primary Attraction - Attraction that is felt upon first meeting someone.
- Queer - An umbrella term for all people who are not heterosexual, heteroromantic and cisgender, and who self-identify as queer. A sensitive issue because of its history as a slur. Not all asexual people are queer.
- Queerplatonic - Love, attraction or interest that is stronger and closer than friendship but not easily categorized as romance; or else, an emotional connection that is ambiguous between friendship and romance.
- QPP - A queerplatonic partner.
- Rape Culture - The social expectations that make rape and sexual assault more socially acceptable, or which cause people to deny importance or recognition to acts of sexual assault. A major problem for women and asexual people.
- Relationship Anarchy - The belief that certain kinds of intimate relationships are not superior to others, despite being more highly valued by popular culture. Opposed to amatonormativity.
- Romantic Attraction - A feeling of attraction, desire or strong interest; often takes the form of crushes, infatuation or falling in love. Hard to define and recognize for some asexual or aromantic people.
- Romantic Orientation - The group of people or genders to which a person can become romantically attracted, if at all. This concept does not work for all asexual people.
- Sapioromantic - Becoming romantically attracted to people based on their intelligence; sometimes overlaps with the aromantic spectrum.
- Sapiosexual - Becoming sexually attracted to people based on their intelligence; sometimes overlaps with the asexual spectrum.
- Secondary Attraction - Attraction that only develops after personally knowing someone for a period of time.
- Sensual Attraction - Attraction that involves a desire to touch or be physically close to someone, but not necessarily in a sexual way.
- Sex-indifferent - Willingness to either participate in or avoid sex; not actively discomforted by engaging in sexual activities. Common among asexual people.
- Sex Positivity - A movement or ideology that values all forms of sex between enthusiastically consenting adults. Opposed to slut-shaming and homophobia.
- Sex-repulsed - Not wanting to engage in sex, often due to disgust, annoyance or discomfort with it. Common among asexual people. Sex-repulsed people may still be sex positive and support sexual freedom for other people.
- Sexual Attraction - A feeling of attraction to someone’s physical appearance with a sexual component, or desire to touch someone sexually. Difficult for some asexual people to define and recognize.
- Sexual Orientation - The group of people or genders to which a person can become sexually attracted, if at all.
- Skolioromantic - Romantically attracted to gender-variant people.
- Skoliosexual - Sexually attracted to gender-variant people.
- Slut-shaming - Attacking a woman’s character or treating her as less worthy of respect because she has had sex, is perceived to have had sex, or dresses in a manner that the slut-shamer does not approve of.
- Squish - The platonic or non-romantic equivalent of a crush. A very strong desire to get to know someone, be their friend and spend time with them.
- Transyada - 1. The Transyada forum, historically spun off from AVEN. Has a large proportion of asexual-spectrum users. 2. Word used on AVEN and Transyada to describe trans*, non-binary or gender-variant people, especially forum members. Many transyadas are also asexual-spectrum.
- Willful ignorance - An attitude of continuing to invalidate and/or hate asexual people despite exposure to information on asexuality.
- WTFromantic - The romantic orientation for people who find romantic orientations confusing, or who don’t perceive a clear difference between feelings of romance and friendship.
- Yada - Short for transyada.
- Zucchini - Humorous or casual term for a queerplatonic partner.
Although there are many English-language resources and glossaries about transgender, genderqueer, and non-binary terms, there are not as many in other languages. I have begun a few pages at the Non-Binary Wiki, which anyone can edit, to list terms and their meanings in a few languages:
More will be added - these were created as just a start to this project and anyone is welcome to create further language pages or edit the ones that already exist to add new terms, citations of sources, or correct any errors. I am focusing on collecting terms related to non-binary gender identity, although general gender and sex terms can also be added to these glossaries. I am very excited about this project!
Ally Tip: Don’t describe sex vs. gender. Describe assigned gender vs. gender identity.